I put my four-year-old twins back into nighttime diapers this week. I feel like a total Mommy failure. I switched them over to diapers on the day they turned three — cold turkey. We did some of the methods from Toilet Training In Less than a Day, but other than that we were all good. Except for night time wetting. For the last year and a half, I have been getting up at least once a night to change sheets, change pants and comfort a half-awake little boy. Not fun. Finally, I said “Enough is enough. We are getting you GoodNight Underpants. Because I need a Good Night of sleep!” And we went to Target.
Honestly, I kept thinking that if I never caved, they would eventually stop having accidents because they both hate it so much. Not so. I am pretty sure 1.5 years is a long enough test run on this. I’m tired. I’m worn out on washing bedding, smelly clothes baskets, and smelly boys. I’m ready for a break! And in spite of the words of my doctor “They should have grown out of that by now.” I am sticking with this new routine. I have finally slept through the night for five nights in a row!
Here’s the thing. I used to be one of those people without kids who stood in the grocery store pointing fingers. “If only they never gave in”, I’d say. “That child would stop throwing fits at the checkout.” And then I had a little boy who never stopped throwing fits even though I never, ever, ever gave in and bought him what he wanted. It took him over a year to grow out of that phase. Was I supposed to stop grocery shopping? I don’t think so. Did I get plenty of pointing fingers? Yes.
And
Once I had kids, I would say things like this: “If only you’d take away her diapers she would potty train much faster.” Ahem. Until I finally had two little boys who still can’t be night-time trained. Even after no diapers for over a year.
So now, instead of judging others for imagined failures, I am judging myself for the very same thing! You see, up until this point you thought this article was about judging other people. It’s not. At least not entirely. You drew conclusions about where I was going with my words too quickly.
Mostly, I want you to stop judging yourself.
You are human Mama. And the worst part is — so are your kids. They got it from you. Life here on earth is not going to be perfect. You will have bad days, rough weeks, and maybe even a little boy or two who can’t hold his pee all night. That’s okay!
Life on earth can never be perfect. The most important thing to focus on is not your own lacking. Focus on Jesus! Focus on relationships! At the last day, those are the only two things that will matter, and the only two things you can take with you. Those wet sheets? They are staying here to be burned up in the fire when God creates a new Heaven and a new Earth.
Maggie says
I have a 9.5 yo girl still in night time pull ups. Her little sis, almost 6, just got out of night time pull ups, and so far we have one dry night and one wet. Mine sleep through it all, so it’s just a surprise when trying to start our day. Your boys are doing just fine. There is actually a hormone that we produce in our sleep that serves as a diuretic and helps us get through the night. Some develop this later than others and there’s not much you can do, unless you want to go medication route, which isn’t suggested if you can handle things at home. I’ve gotten this I for from 5 years of asking my pediatrician about night time wetting and then taking her to a eurologist. All children develop at different times. your doctor is only giving you guilt for something outside of your control. This popped up on Facebook and since I’m constantly advocating for my oldest who is delayed in a few areas, but is just the way God made her, I had to jump in. Yes, during these times we must RUN to Christ, because when works doesn’t produce results in our children, there is no place better to go. Our worth is in Him.
Jackie Ryan Masek says
A certain family had trouble with night time wetting with both of their boys. One of the boys, at the age of 5, saw after a sleepover at a buddy’s that his friend also wore a diaper to bed and immediately decided he was better than that boy and never wet again. The other boy finally no longer needed one round about halfway through his 12th year. I think for him, he simply slept right through the night. Either way, it did not bother me because both of my brothers and two of my sisters struggled with this until they were 12. It really bothered my husband because no one in his family had this issue. It took a lot of educating, cajoling him to be kind, and praying to get us through. Some kids just develop differently and, if it’s hereditary, don’t stand a chance in this area. Thank goodness for all the “kid size” diaper choices that are out there these days! Thank you for your transparency.
erin says
My son is 7 1/2 and still has nightly accidents. I’ve tried prolonged trials (though not over a year!) of going without overnights in hopes that he would learn , but no luck. Our doctor suggested a PottyPager. He wore it on his underwear and it starts vibrating after the first couple of drops, the idea being that he would then wake up and use the bathroom without the need to change sheets, and his body would learn to sense the urge before it even starts.
No luck. He just sleeps so hard that about 75% of the time he slept through the intense vibration on his underwear! We were wakened by the noise and had to go wake him up to change him anyway.
We’ll try again in a few months, but for now, I may buy stock in GoodNites. 🙂
My now 5 year old has been in underwear at night for quite a while now, transitioning easily from overnights. Some kids just aren’t ready- and we have to show ourselves and other mommies a little grace and a lot of encouragement! 🙂
Stacy Farrell says
You are encouraging a lot of weary mamas with this vulnerable post. Well done, dear Amy!
Diana B says
Loved this! So much! I’m past the point of judging for potty-training (my son didn’t get out of night-time diapers until he was 7, and at age 10 he still has the occasional accident!) but I know there are plenty of other areas that I judge myself on!
Jess Benoit says
I LOVE this…we all have been *that* person until having our own! When it comes to others saying something about the boys still in ‘diapers’ I’d say “Yep & I haven’t slept better!” LOL…we do what we need to for our sanity & whats best for our family. Great job mama!
Kali says
Thank you! I dont have issues (currently) with wetting but I have been thoroughly humbled by my daughter (2nd of 4 kids). Her older brother was a straightforward, even tempered, compliant preschooler. My daughter, from age two, was so intense (in both directions) that I thought he had mental or emotional issues. She would be the one screaming in the grocery store or where ever for NO reason whatever. She is much much better at a,most four but I have discovered a few sensory issues so it helps to know those and try to wrk around them. We all need so much grace!
Mayra - Estilo Familiar says
My 10 and 9 year old boy wet their beds from time to time. Right now probably it is once a month or less, but you’ll think that by that age that problem was supposed to be a thing from the past. Each kid matures at their own pace. We have done everything we could to avoid those accidents, but they have mature year by year on their own. Your boys are fine and they will get out of it. We cannot be thinking about what others will think, but concentrating on our own children to give them the best. Thanks for this.
Beth says
My son was 7 or older before we were able to put him in regular underwear at night, and we still had to get him up at midnight, and accidents still happened. It’s only been this summer (he’s 9 now) that he finally could sleep all night with no more problems. Our pediaticians have told us that not being dry at night can be normal for children up to the age of ten, especially for boys. (Believe me, we constantly asked about it!) I know all about worrying about what others might think, and I certainly will never judge others in this matter. It’s not about being a lazy parent.
Judith Martinez says
I’ve had two bedwetters and I was one too. At age 4 night time pull ups is a good solution. If they are still wetting between about 5-7 yrs. old I suggest a trip to a pediatric urologist who can help you create a behavior modification program to help them stop. A couple of things you can start doing now. 1. Make sure they are having bms regularly and that they aren’t dealing with constipation, bowel regularity has a huge impact on urinary health. 2. Make sure they’re emptying their bladders regularly. Holding behavior is bad for the bladder and can exacerbate bed wetting. About every 2 hours is a good time to shoot for. This is all information I learned at the university hospital’s “dry time” clinic.
Lyn Smith says
Hello, i also thankyou for your post. i had the same problem with my son until we discovered he was very food intolerant, When removed sulphites from his diet he was dry day and night within a week. i also know that preservatives in bread or other packaged products can be a problem too. We did and elimination diet that is recommended by the Royal Prince Alfred hospital here in Australia and can be also found on fedup.com.au. Lots of help and advice given on food intolerance. It might not be a solution for everyone but it might just
help someone! i know how hard sleepless nights are!
Samantha says
Your dr is wrong. Many many boys don’t outgrow bedwetting until they are much older. It’s a physiological thing and until their bladder is able to hold it in nothing can change it. My oldest at 8 is still wearing goodnights as is my 6yr old. My oldest has never once stayed dry a night in his life and while my 6yr old is occassionally dry he was wetting enough that it was worth it to me to have him back in the diapers. Alternatively my 5yr old night trained himself two years ago at age 3. He was ready. Our pediatrician told us that it’s totally within the boundaries of normal and can be hereditary so since dh had this same issue until 11 or 12 we aren’t worried. We’ll just keep on keeping on and if those goodnights keep me from being woken an extra time or two more than my three month old already does I can live with the expense.
I also have found that with each subsequent child it is easier for me to stop judging myself about various things. Sometimes we are our worst critic as mothers and really we need to give ourselves a little bit of a break.
Vickie McCarty says
We adopted two boys when they were babies. They are biological brothers. Today one is 6 and the other almost 8. They still have problems ever night. I have tried everything and like you, am worn out with laundry and smelly sheets and interrupted sleep. We have tried alarms, pads, no drinks after 6:00 p.m. and medication. Nothing is helping. We even went as far as to have sonograms and xrays to check the sizes of their bladders and kidneys. Nothing of concern is showing up anywhere. They are back Goodnights too! I am a little bit embarrassed for them….so we don’t talk about it with anyone else. The doctor told me the biological parents may have been bed-wetters so the boys will be. I pray all the time that they grow out of it. Parents do not like to talk about this much because it does feel like we are failing somewhere…..so Thank you for sharing!
Tracie says
I have an almost 4 year old son who has just potty trained, so this is such an informational and helpful post for me! Thank you for being so open and honest about what you have walked through. Another Mom I know that struggled with nighttime issues would layer her daughter’s bed like this: mattress pad, sheet, mattress pad, sheet, so they could just rip off the first layer and throw it in the wash without having to re-sheet her bed. It may not seem like much, but a few extra minutes of sleep is better than nothing!
Debra C says
Found this on Pinterest. I actually have the opposite problem. My 3 1/2 year old stays dry overnight, but he is not the least bit interested in using the potty during the day. We tried a sticker chart, just sticking him in underwear, bribing him with rewards, nothing has interested him. I’m 90% sure that he’s physically ready. He’s just not interested. And I don’t know at what point I should really push the issue. It feels like a failure when the multiple boys we know around his age are all potty trained. Definitely one of the hardest things to keep from playing the Comparison Game on.