I sang a lot in high school and I don’t want to brag, but I was pretty good at it back then. More than one rude classmate would say “It’s not over till the fat lady sings” to me as a jibe. Even though at the time, I weighed 130 pounds and was *maybe* ten pounds overweight. I was not fat. But you know what? I hear that jibe playing over and over in my head now that I’m a truly fat adult (even though I can’t sing anymore). Fat prejudice is a real thing.
And I’m not excusing the fact that I’m fat either. I’m not asking for special privileges because I am morbidly obese. I’m just stating the facts here. I am well aware that I need to lose weight. A girl can dream right? But in the meantime, I have to keep living. As I am right now. In the moment — even if it is a very fat moment.
Raising your eyebrows at me when I order a soda at a restaurant and it is not “diet” doesn’t help. Neither does exchanging glances when you see me shopping in the small girls clothes section (I have daughters). Or telling me not to have another piece of fudge. At the end of the day, there is only one person that has to live with my fat. Me.
I’m fat.
And trust me, I already know it.
The big question for me is not how do I look, or how do I function, as a fat person. I’m not even overly concerned about the prejudice. I’ve always been pretty good at brushing off peer pressure.
But there is one thing. I still have to get dressed every day. And I sure wish clothing designers were paying attention to the fact that fat girls make up more than 60% of the female clothing market. Because fat girls love clothes too!
Fat girls still get invited to formals and weddings by the way. And we still take our kids to the pool during the summer. We go hiking, and (gasp) YES we even exercise. Where in the world are the good exercise clothes for fat people? Aren’t we the ones who need it the most?
Clothes that were originally designed to flatter little people do not flatter big people when they are “sized up”. Seriously. This is why for most of my adult life, I’ve been slopping around in jeans and a t-shirt. Because I am not going to spend good money on clothes that look worse than naked.
I am fat. And I still go to professional events for my business, attend formal events with my military husband, date my husband, get down on the floor to play with my kids, and meet friends for coffee. I celebrate life. And as much as it is possible, I’d like to live my life looking good. So a few years ago, I stopped old tight jeans and graphic tees and started seriously looking for clothes that flatter.
So like Tim Gunn said on the PBS News Hour – “Work with it people.”
I am so in love with this video. Clothing designer people need to get this!
Clothes for fat girls need to accentuate the positive, pull eyes away from the negative, and work with everything in between. It’s not rocket science. I know this, because I’ve found a few clothing companies who do the job well.
I recently asked my daughter to do a photo shoot for me in my new Kiyonna clothes. Because I love them. And I feel great when I wear them. And when I actually find clothes that fit and look good, I want to shout if from the rooftop! I’ve finally found a place to buy cute dresses for fat women. Even formals! I was kinda shocked at how much I loved these photos of me. I NEVER love photos of myself. But I had a hard time choosing which photos NOT to use! She did a fabulous job, and the fabulous clothing helped too.
And by the way, I do love a good pair of jeans with a nice top too. I’m not dissing jeans! And just so you know, I’m not expecting to be hired as a fat model any time soon, but I did have fun getting pictures taken while I was all dolled up.
I’d love to hear from you! What is your biggest challenge as a fat person? Which of the outfits in this post do you like best?
You look beautiful! And I LOVE that Tim Gunn video- everyone deserves beautiful, well fitting clothing. Lovely post. 🙂
Thank you Heather! It was probably the hardest thing I’ve ever written.
I love that purple dress on you! All of it looks great! As a fat girl, I struggle to find great fitting clothes that are stylish, too. I can’t wait to see what I fall in love from Kiyonna.
I have my eye on one of the “faux” wrap tops next. Or two maybe.
You look adorable!!!!
Thank you Jacqueline. I think you look adorable every time I see you, so you were definitely an inspiration for my recent shopping spree! Thanks for sharing where you buy clothes!
that purple outfit is nice, I’d wear that. 🙂
Love the green top!
I have a hard time finding fat girl clothes that still allow me to feel ‘young’. My hubby says a lot of the stuff is ‘old lady’ clothes. And then on the opposite side, some are too revealing.
I also struggle because I’m not large on top (in the front anyways, I have a lot of back fat) so I can’t always ‘support’ a low cut top. The struggle is real!
Yes! I am actually a B cup, and short so many of the plus size clothes that fit my fat are so low cut they go down to my navel. It is no fun being smaller on top compared to your other curves. I totally get that. I carry most of my extra weight right in the front in my stomach area. Sigh.
You are gorgeous!! I love your writings!
Thank you Maurisa. This always means a lot when it comes from people I met first in-real-life!
You are gorgeous! I agree with you! All women should feel like there are great clothing options for them! When I started having children 6 years ago I lost the fashionable part of myself and started wearing mostly gym clothes. 6 months ago I was introduced to LuLaRoe and now I am hooked. The clothes are comfortable for women of ALL sizes. Let me know if you want to try it out. I have since become one of their independent fashion consultants and I love seeing my plus sized lady friends find clothes that make them feel as beautiful as they already are!:)
All women deserve to feel good and look good. Just because we are larger than other women doesn’t change the fact that we are still females and love clothes. If people designers and stores thought of that they would be more humane make more money and make more women happier. Big ladies are just as attractive as their slimmer counterparts, all they need are clothes that fit them and accentuate their bodies. My biggest challenge is finding clothes that are my size and look good on me. I love your purple dress the best but you look great in all the outfits.
Hi Amy! I’m right with you! Why designers don’t understand that fat girls like to dress like other girls is beyond me!! My other pet peeve is …this shirt is sized 3x, but it only fits a medium. Most of our other 3x’s are close to size. You just have to try them on. Well first no one who wears a medium will buy a shirt labeled 3x!! And the 3x girl who buys it based off the tag size will berate herself for weeks because she can’t fit in it!!
My favorite outfit would be the first one. You look very comfortable and I love the green cardigan.
I was diagnosed with RA and fibromyalgia 3 years ago. My wardrobe has changed completely! Nothing with snaps or buttons. I must have soft fabrics with stretch for when I swell or the pain is too bad. Lots of yoga pants! I have just recently discovered Lularoe. I have been living in the leggings and an Irma shirt!
What is the biggest change/challenge? Brad! They all hurt, so I’m still struggling there. I just don’t wear one at home.
Thanks!!
In struggle with embracing that I am fat. It hurts and I am very embarrassed. Regarding clothes, it drives me crazy how things are sized. I’m only 5’5″ but a size 20. Because I am a 20, most designs assume I am at least 5’8″ or so. Love how men’s clothes are sized. Waist, inseam, neck, arm length etc. Give me some details, man!
Yes! I’m 5’2″ and a size 20. I feel your pain. I am not large boned, large on top and small stomach plus-sized person. I’m a fat plus-sized person. So tired of skinny models with big bones and huge on top modeling plus sized clothes!
As a fat girl, I LOVE this post! It’s so inspiring! I’m gonna look into buying something other than jeans and t-shirts!
You can do it!
Great article 🙂 Thank you for saying this out loud! 🙂
You are very welcome. It is one of the hardest posts I’ve written, and I had to stew on it for a long time!
You look gorgeous in all of them. What a great post, Amy.
Thank you Danika. You are an incredible writer so your encouragement means so much to me!
My biggest challenge with clothes is the leftovers from having very kids in seven years, and the last two were overy eight pounds! I have an hourglass shape, with a weird paunch left over from my watermelon babies. My husband still thinks I’m crazy sexy (there’s a reason we had so many kids 😉 ) but it is discouraging to try on pants and tops and still look 4 months pregnant when my youngest is 4 years old.
Yes! I had six children in ten years, and my youngest are twins. I so get this!
I love the multi colored dress on you. It’s a good color for you. I would wear the green top outfit. My biggest challenge is, I do not like v neck shirts & most have cleavage. It is my personal preference not to have it showing. Between being home w my kids or as a sub in a middle school others dont need to see down my shirts as I am sitting at a desk or leaning over one ….tanks almost always go under outfits.
I totally agree about cleavage. I’m small enough that the Kiyonna wrap dresses covered me up perfectly with a little safety pin to keep it from revealing too much when I lean over. 🙂
Amy dear!
Love your post!! You are so beautiful and we all love you. I also couldn’t believe it when you said you are 5’2″ in one of your comments! I truly did look at your photo of the purple dress and a) thought how pretty you looked, and b) then thought, of course she looks wonderful, she’s clearly a tall girl. 🙂 Pretty amazing!
My favorite color is green, but I ADORE that green empire drawstring cardigan!!
Green is by far my favorite color, and it is one of the reasons I love this green sweater so much. It is also super soft.
I have been morbidly obese my entire life at 5’1″ until 2 years ago when I had sleeve surgery to save my life. I have been fat shamed my whole life. It is a real thing. It is such a shame that people treat me so differently now that I am 144 pounds instead of 267 as I have not changed on the inside. It brings up ideas of “why do you like me now, but would not talk to me then?” Anyway, You are absolutly beautiful in all of the outfits.God bless you for this article and keeping it real as I know you had to dig deep to write this. Our weights should not define us. God does and His love is perfect and so are you.
You bring up a very good point. I think some of how people treat fat people is sub-consience though. I doubt your friends and family even realize that they have changed how they treat you, and that is sad. People everywhere need to be more aware of how we are reacting to each other with prejudice on so many different levels!
I like the purple dress.
I’ve lost 36# since June, and I’m in that weird in between place where nothing fits me any more. :/ You know, when you can pull your pants down to pee without unbuttoning or unzipping them, it’s time for new pants. I’m just not really sure what size or shape I am right now.
Great job! Sounds like it might be time to take some trips to the dressing room. Painful as it is, learning to dress a new body is a blessing too.
You look beautiful Amy! And you are loved!
Thank you Michele.
I like the styles but it was the fushia in the last dress that really caught my eye. I could total see you strutting in some jewel-tone (royal blue, red, fushia, emerald) outfits. I could see those colors really bring out your beauty even more! Thank you for being willing to share and encourage so many other people who are dealing with the same thing. You are amazing!
Finally, someone who understands where I am. I’m 5’0″ and a size 20. Not very much out there fits. I am able to wear jeans and a t-shirt but that’s not what I want to wear to church on Sunday morning. ? My other issue is modesty. I don’t want to wear lowcut shirts or dresses. I carry all my weight around my rear so I look like my “bubble” is in the middle. Thank you for sharing your story!
Good article. You look very nice in the clothes you chose. I’m retired so the places I go are different but I’ve been heavy since my second child was born 28 years ago. I love LuLaRoe clothes, leggings and long tops. A few dresses. Jeans and sweaters for every day too! You’ve used jewelry well to draw the eye. I need to think more about that.
I’ve been saying this for YEARS now… “They need to make clothing for REAL people.” I want to thank you for this article. I am deeply encouraged by it and I hope that you have a most blessed Thanksgiving weekend. I just wanted to share one of my favorite scriptures with you… Zephaniah 3:17
The Lord your God in your midst,
The Mighty One, will save;
He will rejoice over you with gladness,
He will quiet you with His love,
He will rejoice over you with singing.”
P.S. Please keep singing!!! <3 🙂
You look adorable in all these oufits. I am with you, Sometimes I think designers are just lazy as nd do not want to bother thinking about wherher an oufit they create will be wearable and look nice on different shapes!
You know, I realize that I am a fat girl, been that way for over 20 years and may not change anytime soon. What I have trouble with is designers refusing to make clothing that looks good on us. They keep making shirts that stop at the waist or the crotch hangs down the middle of my legs. There are ways to dress nice and still be a plus sized woman. And don’t get me started on the age factor, either the styles are too young, too old, or too busy. Give me clothing that won’t trigger seizures people.
Yep, that sounds about right.
Kudos for all that you wrote. I saw your in No. Va. me too! I moved here 10 years ago from Pa and believe being “fat” here is seen much more as a non acceptable. This area feels very image conscious.
I love the deep purple outfit.
I think the purple dress looks best. I especially like the neckline. In case it helps anyone, I ran across this online plus size mall a while ago called .fullbeauty but you should check out the privacy & security link at the bottom of the page before shopping with them to see a list of the stores they will give your information to.
What a great post! I have fallen in that “average size” category for quite some time now, and used to work for a “plus-sized” (and I hate that term, too!) women’s clothing store. I agree with everything here, and the video. It’s true. Plus-sized clothing is all wrong. Not only is the market small for these sizes, they don’t sell flattering clothing and the prices for their bad clothing are outrageous! I always thought it was ironic that only straight-stick teen girls could get jeans for $10 while women who look like what women SHOULD look like (curves….figured) have to pay upwards of $50. And the larger you are the fewer good choices you have….until in the end you look like a frumpy bag lady. But I love your photo shoot! These clothes look great on you. What a great company to think outside of the box and offer average-sized women clothing options that flatter….they’ll do well!
I hate that whoever designs plus size clothes assumes we all have small shoulders and short arms. I can never find any long sleeved shirts that fit my shoulders and arms without making me look like a linebacker, or like “fat man in a little coat” so I end up in men’s long sleeve tees most of the winter and freezing when I want to look feminine
My favorite of you is in the purple dress. I love modest, comfortable dresses. Thanks for your recommendation and sharing. What you said is so true for me as well.
God bless you
i love the courage you have, I like your purple dress and green