Why This Minister’s Wife Thinks about Porn Daily

I’ve had this article written for a few months now and hesitated to publish it but with the recent media focusing on sexual violence on campus I thought it fitting to post this now.

This is way out of my normal realm of writing. I’m literally shifting from talking about trim healthy mama recipes to talking about porn. But. I think about it daily.  Daily. And I think you should too.

So, why am I (a minister’s wife of all things) thinking about porn daily? First let me address the title of “minister’s wife.” I really don’t like to use that title or even be known as “a minister’s wife” or “preacher’s daughter” (even though I am both of those things.) What I like to be known as is a wife and mom who struggles in this world just as much as you do. I sin daily. We all do. None of us are perfect. None of us make the right choice every single time. Just because we are in the ministry doesn’t exclude us from being of a sinful nature. I’m just a mom, writing to other moms, hoping they’ll join me in protecting our sons and daughters and future generations.

The topic is porn. To be honest, until now, I have never given it much thought. Sure, I have heard and prayed for the occasional friend who has lost his job &/or family due to a porn addiction. I have (like most of you) been shocked by news coverage of celebrities who have admitted to porn/sex addictions. Other than that, it’s just not one of those things I think of. We aren’t into porn. We’ve never made it part of our marriage like some do (this isn’t me judging you, just sharing where we’re at with it.) It’s just not something I’ve been around or thought of. Until now.

A recent conversation with a friend let me in on some news. Porn. Is destroying. Our young men.

This generation of 19-22 year olds are the first generation to have had unlimited access to free, full motion porn. It isn’t a magazine that they’ve had to steal from their dad and sneak into church camp (yes, that happened). It isn’t a photograph that they’ve come across and kept hidden in a book so they can look at it in their room. It isn’t something they have to have money to pay for or prove their age to buy/order.

Their porn doesn’t come on calendars and posters. It isn’t something they had to be old enough to rent from an adult video store. No. These men. And our boys…have access to it right there in your living room. They could be watching something or be exposed to something right in front of us and we wouldn’t even know it. It’s on their phones, iPads, tablets. It can be in an ad that pops up when they’re playing a game you’ve downloaded & approved for them.

It can be on a YouTube video that follows one about funny cats that you’ve let them watch over and over…even on “safe YouTube.” It’s there. Right there in front of them and in a split second they can go from totally innocent to wanting to find more and more porn to look at.

In a moment they could potentially shift from not even knowing what it is, to seeking it out. And do you know what that’s doing to them? To their hearts and minds? It’s preventing them from even wanting to experience real live sex with their wives because it’s not as good or great as the fantasies they experience when watching live action porn.

That’s right. Men in this first full access to porn generation have said sex doesn’t turn them on. Porn changes them. It changes their brain.  It changes their heart. I used to consider a porn addiction a “heart issue” meaning I thought men who sought out porn really just needed a change of heart, to lose the desire to seek it out, to (with God’s grace and strength) decide to avoid it.

But not now. Not for our little guys. Not for the 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 year old boys out there with phones and tablets with Internet access. For them. It’s not a heart issue. It will be a full-fledged addiction before they ever know what hit them. And then they’ll miss out on one of God’s greatest gifts. Sex. Because they literally won’t see a need for it. It’ll be something they do once a month (if that) because they feel like they have to. Instead of continuing to chase and desire their wife, they’ll get their satisfaction from their smartphone.

Think I’m way off base? Time magazine recently wrote an article on the topic. Here is the cover.

They want to turn it off. Now, if the very generation that has had full access to it like no other wants to turn it off that should tell you something. I don’t know where you are on the topic. Maybe you’re like me and don’t watch it or give it much thought, maybe you used to but don’t now, maybe you watch it frequently or use it in your marriage to “spice it up.”

Wherever you are, I’m asking you, begging you to please think of your little boy. Think of what that addiction could become when it starts so young. Think about his wife. Our daughters. The father of your grandchildren.

Even worse, porn (like any addiction) has the potential of making them want more and more and more. Statistics show that sexual assault, crimes against women and children and child molestation rates are higher in areas where there are adult video stores/book stores and strip clubs. Why is that do you think? It’s because they can’t get enough of it!

They have to find more ways to satisfy that craving. Think it won’t happen to your son? It may not. But what if it does? These are statistics. Not my opinion. Most men certainly didn’t start out as a young boy and think “I want to be a child molester some day.” Over time it happens. The addiction takes over. No one says “I do” on their wedding day and thinks “I hope this falls apart.” Porn is a dangerous thing mamas.

So why am I writing this? For you. For me. Please protect your young boys & girls. Find a way to lock down their access to the Internet when you’re not around. I’m usually not all for super strict parenting but in this case. I am. This porn access is something that can literally ruin their lives, it has the potential to turn your innocent boy into a criminal. So set a secret password, keep them innocent for as long as possible.

[easy-tweet tweet=”It’s time to protect them from what they won’t see coming.” usehashtags=”no”]

Teach them to look away. Let them have time to develop their little hearts and minds before they are addicted, not the other way around. These guys, this generation who are now advocates of turning it off have seen more than they care to see. I know we can’t shield and protect them from it forever. Sadly it’s pretty much inevitable that they will stumble across it at some point.

I’m just hoping to delay that moment for as long as possible. We recently discovered Clean Router. It is just what we have been looking for. It blocks porn on multiple devices. It filters YouTube. That’s huge! It’s very affordable & worth it if it means delaying our childrens’ exposure to porn when they’re little.

So I do. I think about porn daily. I think of my daughter and her husband and I pray for them both to be protected. He’s most likely 10-15 right now. I want him to want her. I think of my little boys. I don’t want them to find themselves addicted. This is just as much for me as it is you. I simply want to protect them from becoming one of these guys from Time Magazine full of regret, or worse, a criminal.

Just like anything else with parenting, eventually it’ll be up to them to choose. It starts with their clothes. First, we pick them out for them. Then as they grow they start to have an opinion about what is best, most comfortable, etc. We don’t always agree with them. But it’s their choice. Then it is friendships. At first they hang out with kids of moms we hang out with. As they grow it becomes their choice. Again, may not be what we think is best, but it’s their choice.

Eventually they’ll have an opinion on porn. The risks, the “rewards”, etc. And it’ll be their choice. Let them make their own choices later. Protect them & teach them now, when they’re too young to know what they’re choosing.

I think this is something we think won’t happen to us, or that our kid wouldn’t dare look at that or search for that but our boys are visual sexual beings. It’s literally how they were created and the porn industry gets that. It has them right where it wants them. And they’re winning. It’s time mamas. Whether they are 3 or 12. It’s time to protect them from what they won’t see coming.

Listen to this generation of young men. Turn it off.